Rum Dumb?!!!

Rough roads shook us like no other tonight. Thanks to the BeJesus i heard the sweet sounds of REO Speedwagon to set my mind and rattled bones at ease. We drank a scrumptious concoction of rum and fruit mixed with rum and listed to power ballads in a cheezy little seaside bar. The sun went down.

Out of nowhere, with 02 seconds left on the clock, I decided to step up to the 3 point line and let 'er sail! Like a sky beast, Kareem launched from the shadows, beer in hand, and floated across the lane to soundly rejected my 3 point effort. For this Kareem will die!!! We met a woman who was poisoned by scorpions; we were not impressed, and proceeded to tell her thus. Afterall, we had felt the wrath of an angry stingray! The night deterioated from there. (Note to self: Morning rations of rum are ill advised!)
The decision was made right away. Abandon ship! We continued, Stagger Lee style, down the cobbled streets, searching for a friendly face or funky rythm or the chuka chuka of a reggae guitar. Clearly we are on the right track....
The FJ40 skidded a U, and we rallied down the costal boulevard, also know as cow trail. Cliff, El Hefe, burped a warning. We were taken aback, for this is the first burp in a the E tone that we've heard. Flatulence? No!
The cieling is tall, yet the rooms are small, and as I sleep, somebody creeps.....the rum is killed, the beer is swilled, the song is played, and we will live again..... tomorrow!

We've got Crabs!

The battle between the 2 southpaws was an epic one. Both were vying for the right to inhabit our front porch and reap the tastiness of our carne leftovers! Since they are both missing their right claws, I'm guessing they are evenly matched warriors or offspring from the same inbred seabeast!
So today is the day when the rum consumption continues! We've made a tally and our sweet liquor tooth has downed 6 litre's of the finest Nicaragua has to offer! Down here rum is cheaper than water, so rum it is! We're heading to the big city of San Juan del Sur today for birthday festivities. Living 17km's away from town, down the knarliest dirt road, driving a beat up, somewhat sketchy, 1970's Landcruiser, with no suspension, makes one not want to venture into civilization to often. Ahhhh, livin' in the boonies is a good time!
I will leave this blog with a lovely picture of the harbour in SJDS, with my new boat, on which I will be hosting drunken nude yoga and various games of 'Hijack that Boat'! All the best!

Dreaming of Back Home.

The hot local and international chicks who dress in sexy bikinis and are actually nice, have nothing on our Jackson Hole hotties!
Had a fine day in the surf. The water temps were the same as the air, a balmy 82! Only a handful of people in the line-up. Listen to me, sure there were a few people in the lineup but I was no where near because I was on the inside catching the residual breaks. I did catch waves though, as did Christian and Aura is one day away from slaying it! I did manage to get stung by a stingray, Stingrays 2---Whitey 0! So all is chill on the Southwestern Front and we can't wait for our backups, The Horn Diggler and Amy "Flashdance" Kreps to join us in our quest for waves and corruption!
Well, it's Aura's birthday tomorrow, which means we will try our best too get her hammered and bring out her alter ego, the lovely and charming Sataness! In the mean time we are working on getting her a stripper that looks as good as Burt! Happy Birthday Aura!

Good times!

Holy Wow! I thought I was in Nicaragua, but for the last 2 days, this picture shows what my life has been really like! Don't know what I ate or drank, but man did it ever go through me like a freight train! I am not a fan of medicine, except for the green fluffy kind, alas, thank whomever for the senor poopy pants pills! Surfing resumes tomorrow!

Everyone in the house but me is hemorrhaging out both ends. Our Casa is thick with a sulfurous cloud that clings to everything. The crew is listless. Intake of rum has dropped dramatically, and consequently morale is low. So I escape for a solitary walk down the beach, fishing line in hand. Alas, only the pelicans are pulling fish. As I trudge back to our reeking hovel, I step on a goddamn stingray. Yep, that fucking stings! Aptly named little bastards. On a side note, this particular episode once and for all disproves the notion of karma. You see, I had not but two days previous rescued a fucking stingray from certain death. It had been stranded by an exceptionally big wave that washed it far ashore and it was gasping its nasty little life away. I watched it for a minute wondering what to do. Do I intervene? Do I try and help it? Will it sting me If I try? I answered yes on all accounts, and carefully helped the nasty little fucker back into the water by flipping it several times like a frisbee. As an aside within a rather long aside, stingrays fly very much like a frisbee, being flat and all. Anyway, I tossed this bitch twice more till it made it back into the ocean, and it swam away, no doubt thankful for my intervention in its miserable bottom dwelling existence. So what happens today? I get fucking stung by a goddamed stingray! Probably the same one! Well, I got the point...from here on out its all about me. I ain't helping beast nor fowl nor fish. I'm looking out for Numero Uno. And, I'm gonna offer up a stingray sacrifice to appease the Gods, who are clearly angry. They turned the ocean cold for a day, and afflicted my mates with poopy pants, and they sent a vicious beast of the sea to attack my foot. I will find something to kill tonight!

Anyway.... our amigo Henry rode his horse to work today, and he insisted I take it down the road. So I did. He snapped this photo, which I think clearly depicts the delirium of the last couple days. I think it is a very old and tired horse. It might make a good sacrifice. I will ask Henry.

Tortuga chronicle

See these slimy little bastards? This is a clutch of turtle eggs freshly delivered via a long turtle tube attached to one tired mother turtle. We watched her claw her way onto the beach and slowly drag herself up above the tide line. She then dug a deep hole using only her rear flippers. Pretty neat to watch. Finally, the aforementioned turtle tube comes out and these eggs pop out two at a time.....upwards of 150 eggs. Lastly, one lucky Nicaraguan gathers up all the eggs and makes omelets and soup. Seriously. This particular turtle had the misfortune of choosing a non-protected beach to lay her eggs. She was quickly spotted and 'claimed' by a couple young Nicos, who were patiently waiting for her to finish. The beaches can get a little dicey at night with Nicos skulking around looking to rob turtles or gringos. You can't spell "endangered" without "danger", and I wasn't about to deprive these enterprising fellows their payday. Better the turtle get robbed than me, right? These dudes were pretty friendly, but there was never any doubt about the future of these particular eggs. Their empty shoulder bags and lotto-winner smiles transcended the language barrier; Winner winner turtle dinner!

We win again.

We win again. Photo from our digs. Internet is sporadic at best down here, so we've burst posted our last several entries.  Enjoy!